OKWUeagle.com

DEAR ASK THE EAGLE: If you had to chose between biting one of your fingers off, or sticking your head up a polar bears butt for an hour, which would you go for and why?

DEAR ANONYMOUS: I would have to choose biting one of my fingers off. My foremost reason is that this choice would sure hurt, but it wouldn’t necessarily kill me. Without getting into too much detail, let me give you a factual basis for my decision and reasoning.
The harmful effects of biting off my finger (i.e. loss of blood or feeling in my fingertip), would be extremely painful and traumatizing, but not lethal unless I should let it go unattended.Should I become concerned about my injury turning fatal, I could quickly wrap a tourniquet around my finger to stop the bleeding. I could also place the severed portion of my finger in a bag of ice to possibly be reattached within a short time period.

My reason for not choosing the latter option is simple: no one can hold their breath for an hour! According to my research on Worldamazingrecords.com, Tom Sietas was awarded the Guinness World Record for the Longest Time Breath Held Voluntarily, with a time of 17 minutes, 19 seconds. I concede that there my be other persons in the world who are able to hold their breath longer, but since this is the longest recorded time I’d guess that neither of us can beat it.

My decision against this second option was based upon the assumption that there is no possible way of breathing from inside a bear’s rectum. I have not done, nor have any desire to do any research to support this basis, so feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

I hope that you now understand why I have made my decision. Now let me ask you a question: Would you rather suck on a live cattle prod for five minutes, or have 15 nails hammered into your tongue?