OKWUeagle.com

By JJ Veale
OKWUeagle.com Editor

“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage!”

The traditional jump rope rhyme can be repeated by schoolchildren across America, yet many students at Oklahoma Wesleyan University do not find the simple formula presented in the rhyme so easy to follow.

Across the OKWU campus, relationships start, stop and stick. Added emphasis is placed on romance during the Valentine’s Day season.

What actually makes a relationship work? How did you know they were “the one”?

A study by University Wire from Louisiana State University stated 88 percent of American men and women between the ages of 20 and 29 believe that they have a soul mate waiting for them.

Since the U.S. Census Bureau reports that the average age of marriage for women is 24.5 years old and the age for men is 26.7 years old, conversations about marriage should be considered normal for traditionally aged (18-22 years old) university students.

For OKWU students, relationship questions are common topics of late night discussions in residence halls, cafeteria dinner ponderings, and academic conversations in some classes.

How did you know they were “the one”?

How did Dr Everett Piper, president of OKWU, know that his wife of 27 years, Marci, was the one?

“She was actually willing to put up with me – this put her in a rather exclusive club,” Piper said.

He also knew she was the one, he continued, because “she is a low maintenance, confident, no nonsense, no patience for gossip woman – a very positive combination in my view!”

Their relationship was formalized with engagement less than a year after they started dating, their engagement lasted about 10 months.

Piper’s happiness in marriage is bucking the current marriage statistics and trends.

Studies of marriage in the United States have found fewer people classifying themselves as being “very happy” in their marriages, according to a 1999 study conducted by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.

More people are choosing to not marry at all. The same study found that over the last 50 years the marriage rate in the United States has fallen by 43 percent.

Lack of satisfaction with marriage has not been the issue for one OKWU staff member.

Kendra Culver, Manager of the Founders Bookstore, refers to her husband of two years as “Mr. Most Handsome Man on the Planet” and believes that the friendship they had for two years prior to dating created the basis for their successful marriage.

“[When Casey and I started dating] I started dating this very good friend who already loved me and accepted me, who already encouraged me and who I had a blast hanging out with,” Culver said. “A few months into our [dating] relationship, my boyfriend became my best friend. Soon afterward, my best friend asked me to marry him.”

They dated for eight months before engagement then had a 13-month engagement before their wedding.

How did Culver know he was the one? A combination of factors influenced Culver, including her own joy when spending time with him.

“When I am with Casey, I feel the most alive, the most like myself, the most joyful, the most at peace,” Culver said. “He makes me laugh all the time and brings out my goofy and silly side which not many people get to see.”

Culver has never regretted her decision to say, “yes!” when he popped the question.

“Accepting his marriage proposal is the best decision I’ve ever made after my decision to follow Christ,” Culver said.

What does it take for a marriage to work over the long haul?

“[Marriage] requires more adjustment than possibly any other life stage as the partners sort out the roles they will play and learn each other’s needs and wants,” according to the faqs.org website regarding marriage.

“Sacrifice in a marriage will be required, and compromise is not always easy,” the website states. “The more neurotic a partner, the more difficulty he or she [has] in making the adjustments marriage requires.”

Having not only a willingness to sacrifice for his wife, but a desire, was one of the ways that Professor Doug Quick knew his wife, Kathy was the one.

“I really enjoyed serving her. I did all I could to provide her with what she needed,” Quick said.

The Quicks have been married for 35 years.

Even now Quick said, “My joy comes from letting my wife know my commitment and love to her, as Christ is committed to us.”“Kathy was the second female I dated and it did not take long to figure out that she was it,” Quick said. Even with that knowledge, however, they dated for four years prior to their wedding.

Who’s getting married?

The Wedding Report, Wedding Statistics and Market Research for the Wedding Industry, states that 2.16 million people were married in the United States in 2008.

Miranda Reed, Student Financial Services Counselor, is one of the first people to marry in 2010.

Her wedding to Matthew, taking place in January, was preceded by two years of dating.

She knew he was “the one” for several reasons, but comparison with previous dating relationships helped.

“In the past with guys, there always came a point when I knew it wasn’t right anymore, and I never got that feeling [with Matthew],” Reed said. “We went through some rough patches, but in the end it always came back to how we were going to work it out and move past it.”

Reed says their similar, “wacky sense of humor” was also an indicator that she had found her helpmeet.

Opinions of the unidentified Internet masses

A Google search of “how do you know they’re the one?” brings up a plethora of responses as people in the electronic world ponder the mysteries of life.

“If you can’t bear to be parted from them, if the idea of them dying is just too much to even contemplate. If you would take a bullet for them. If you love them so much you would sacrifice your own happiness for theirs even if it would destroy you inside,” writes one poster named Mooseketeer.

“If you have to ask the question [are they the one?] then that person isn’t the one,” writes movingtohouston.

“We share the same beliefs,” writes annie123 about her special someone. “I can’t imagine building a life without him.”

Makin’ a list and checkin’ it twice

Associate Registrar, Vay Facione, was intentional in her search for a spouse.

Facione has been married to her husband, Vincent, for 11 years and was able to determine whether he was the man for her based in part because of her “list.”